indescribable feelings...

I knew this was coming...but I wasn't ready...Ill probably never be ready, actually.
is it because I never want to accept it? or is it because I'm not sure how to accept it?
am I wrong for still feeling hatred for this situation or is it normal for me to feel this way?
He hurt me BAD, real B A D.  and now my heart doesnt know how or even want to mend again.
every time this resurfaces my feeling come out and they are ALWAYS negative feelings...hmm maybe I just cant do this when I thought I could. But im not ready and hes clearly ready (which he should be) because he made this bed and its time to lay in it..without me? 

maybe Im not the girl of his dreams or maybe he stole my dreams away when he messed up.
sometimes messing up can be the Biggest Mistake you'll ever encounter, either way you have to deal with the consequences of your mistake; ALONE.

& the point is...?

it makes NO sense to continue with a guy who doesn't realize what he has...
this is years I'm speaking on...
not a couple months and i want out...no its been my life for quite some time now
Its time to wake up and DEMAND respect. 
I know my worth this time...

venting.*

back at it..

its like i dont even know where to start.
how do i begin again?
you left me for the last this time.
im HURT. 
Broken but wont let the tears fall...
THIS time.. i have to let go. let go of it all.. its the only way to mend this H E A R T. 

Peace Of Mind...

He says theres no ME w out him...
___________________________________________________________

My heart races ; faster than its ever raced before.
afraid.
simply scarred.

LOVE - is nothing without the true. ,
meaning.
i love him
i hate him.

LOVE- is everything with true. ,
trust.
baby im sorry ;
it wont happen again.

LOVE - is complicated without true. ,
communication.
hatred that can never escape
jealousy has won.

LOVE- is suppose to be all we need and more.
is does not envy
should never be judged.

LOVE - is there really any there?
single - tear drop
handful full of smiles.

Music floww...

them slow sonqs.
the ones that keep you thinkinqq.
have your mind racinq. ;
no too suree anymoree, feelinqs ; emotions everythinqs [ S I L E N T )
& wen the tears fall . oh that my friend is when ... ,
...theres nothinq left to say. " X
the music has won . the lyrics just [ S T O L E ) your heart. ♥ *
& when that sonq stops , your heart wont.
it hurts.
it cuts.
it burns.
wats left at this point.
lifee , no meaninq ;
lovee , who needs it.
just as lonq as the sonq continues to play in my heart ,
ill always be released...

is this it?

When is enouqh enouqh?
When will the pressures of life become unbearable...
and how do you suppose one fixes them.
i walk a lonely road at times,
but its because im destine to be myself!
i wanna lash out and scream on those around me;
but they've proven themselves worthy of...LOVE.
Life is full of battles, constanstly im fighting within
im ready to throw the towel in
but HE keeps sending hardships my way.
losing
losing
losing
but in the end i always win
i wanna stay completely happy, at least one time while i live.





"ill write until the ink runs out,
or until the pages begin to end
its the only thing thats gotten me this far
at times seems like my only bestfriend."

the wayy im feelinqq...

Me && YOU...

So its me and you against the world huh?

well remember that when your w them other girls, love

see they can't love you like i can

all they they do is make you feel like "the man"

Think about whos qonna be there for life

marriage, babies & a damn qood wife.

your qonna want me when your days qet lonq,

remember that before i'm qone...