indescribable feelings...

I knew this was coming...but I wasn't ready...Ill probably never be ready, actually.
is it because I never want to accept it? or is it because I'm not sure how to accept it?
am I wrong for still feeling hatred for this situation or is it normal for me to feel this way?
He hurt me BAD, real B A D.  and now my heart doesnt know how or even want to mend again.
every time this resurfaces my feeling come out and they are ALWAYS negative feelings...hmm maybe I just cant do this when I thought I could. But im not ready and hes clearly ready (which he should be) because he made this bed and its time to lay in it..without me? 

maybe Im not the girl of his dreams or maybe he stole my dreams away when he messed up.
sometimes messing up can be the Biggest Mistake you'll ever encounter, either way you have to deal with the consequences of your mistake; ALONE.

& the point is...?

it makes NO sense to continue with a guy who doesn't realize what he has...
this is years I'm speaking on...
not a couple months and i want out...no its been my life for quite some time now
Its time to wake up and DEMAND respect. 
I know my worth this time...

venting.*

back at it..

its like i dont even know where to start.
how do i begin again?
you left me for the last this time.
im HURT. 
Broken but wont let the tears fall...
THIS time.. i have to let go. let go of it all.. its the only way to mend this H E A R T.